If your daughter gets angry - even if it’s hittin’, spittin’ angry (the worst kind!) - try to stay calm. The worst thing you can do when your kid loses her shit is to lose yours, too. (We parents do it all the time.) And, frankly, those are the times they need connection most of all. But they aren’t “bad” - they have just made a mistake or reacted unwisely or acted out. (Experts call this emotional detachment.) You send the message they are bad and don’t deserve you. When you walk away or ignore children, you withhold your love. It feels soooo disappointing.’ We have to see our role as helping our kids have their emotions.” You want vanilla with sprinkles! And I said we must eat dinner instead. This one comes courtesy of Tracy Cutchlow, author of “ Zero to Five.” “Naming what our kid wants, thinks, says or feels - without judgment - is the most powerful step in positive parenting,” she says. Help them take deep breaths and calm their bodies. But children can’t just turn off their emotions they need to be allowed to “feel their feels.” Wait it out. It’s hard when they are full of rage and taking it out on us. So often we parents are triggered by our kids’ emotions. Parenting is hard enough without going to battle with Mother Nature. So calmly remind your child of the rule and let it go. In these cases, no amount of lecturing is going to stop it. There are things your kid is doing because it’s developmentally necessary he literally c an’t help it. Know what’s developmentally appropriate.Or role play scenarios in which you say “No, you can’t have that toy” and your daughter says, “Okay!” and you say, “Great job! I loved the way you said ‘okay’ and didn’t get upset.” Positive reinforcement goes a long way. So before you leave the car, explain that this is not a toy day, then stay in the car until she agrees to no toys. Your kid always begs for toys in the grocery store. You know your kid, so use that knowledge to your advantage. These are kids they will disrespect and embarrass you at times. Saying ”I’m not willing to be disrespected” or “I’m not willing to have you embarrass me” is ridiculous. Saying “You can’t scream because it’s disruptive and hurts people’s ears” is reasonable. Just be sure your boundaries are fair and achievable. There are things that you will not - cannot! should not! - allow your child to do. Here are just 12 of many, many ways to manage discipline without punishment. The trick is to stay in the realm of empathetic discipline without crossing over into the land of painful punishment. “If you don’t do your chores, you can’t go to the birthday party.”ĭisciplining our kids is the rent we pay for the privilege of being loved by a child it’s vital.“You drew on the walls again - timeout!”.“If you don’t keep your safety vest on, we’re going home.”.Punishment is enforcing discipline by inflicting physical or emotional pain - often by withholding or seizing something of value. “You have to keep the safety vest on in case you fall in the water.”.Today I’m going to tell you what to do instead.įirst, let me reiterate that punishment is not the same as discipline.ĭiscipline is setting limits and teaching those limits to your child. On Thursday, I joined a growing chorus of voices calling for parents to stop punishing their children - particularly through the employment of timeouts. And she is the most honest person I’ve ever met. She is resilient, well-adjusted, kind, compassionate and happy. But I can report to you that while my daughter has all the markers of a 10-year-old (for better or worse!), she also has more self-esteem than I know what to do with. My husband and I make lots of mistakes, and I have endless empathy for other parents trying their hardest to raise their kids right. Disciplining our kids is the rent we pay for the privilege of being loved by a child it’s vital.
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